W – (Alarm) Warning, warning, warning, Commander you have been invaded. Warning you are contaminated, you must be contained until you can be debugged. (grabs commander’s arm) C – WART what are you talking about. Have you blown a circuit? I’m not invaded or contaminated. Now let me go and that’s an order. W – (WART let’s go) Negative Commander, I cannot comply. That would endanger the ship. You might contaminate others. C – [Commander tries to pass but hits force field.] WART now cut that out! What am I supposed to be invaded with anyway? W – Sin! C – Sin? W – Affirmative Commander, first you lied about what you were doing in the galley, then you stole, then you tried to cover your sins with evasive maneuvers. See sin is already growing in you. You must be debugged. C – Debugged? W – Affirmative – Your creator requires it. It is in your operating manual that you gave me to study for input. C – The Bible? W – Affirmative. If you are not debugged the sin will infest you and take over until it terminates you but cutting you off from your creator, God. Is that not correct Commander? C – Well yes that’s true but… W – You must use the built in prayer device your creator gave you to keep in contact with Him and repent, ask for forgiveness, be debugged or your system will overload with errors and crash. C – Crash huh? I can’t believe I got busted by my own robot but you’re right Mr. Conscience. W – My name is WART – your database must be damaged by the sin. C – It didn’t seem like a big deal at the time but sin is always a big deal because it never stops when you want it to stop, if we don’t repent it just grows and takes over. Okay WART I’ll repent. W – Affirmative – This is the proper procedure according to the manual.
C – Dear Lord, I’m sorry for sinning, I lied and stole, forgive me Lord and wash me clean in the blood of Jesus Christ. I will even tell the cook I took a brownie to make things right. Thank you Lord. Amen Now I’m all debugged, okay WART? W – Affirmative. - Commander was this exercise a test of my new Bible Programming? C – Yeah WART – that’s it – This was just a test. (They start to walk out) W – (Alarm) Warning, warning, warning. This data is in error. My lie detector indicates this is a lie. C – Now cut that out. I’m going to disengage that walking conscience. W – No disassemble WART, no disassemble, no disassemble. Exit.
WART’s Lie Detector W – Greeting Commander Bob, Word Activating Robotic Transmitter reporting for duty. C – Hey WART! W – What have you been doing Commander? C – Uh – doing – Well uh – I was just uh – checking on the security status in the galley. Yeah security. W – (Alarm) this data is not correct – not correct – not correct C – What do you mean not correct? W – Not correct, a fib, untruth, a lie, a lie, a lie C – Are you saying I lied? WART you old bucket of bolts I’ll should have you turned into a vacuum cleaner for that. W – That would be an illogical use of my superior abilities. My master just installed a lie detector. The lie detector indicates that the data you just spoke is in error. Commander, you lied? C – Not really a lie WART, more like evasive maneuvers. W – You were in stealth mode? You are hiding from a dangerous enemy? C – Well not “exactly” the enemy, more like the ship’s cook. W – The ship’s cook is an enemy. I did not have that information in my database. Should I evaporate her with my ray gun Commander? C – No, no wait, don’t evaporate her. She’s not exactly the enemy, she just might get mad at me if she found out I was snitching one of her brownies. (looks around to make sure no one heard) W – Mad – anger – upset – Hacked off. Commander, you stole? C – Not exactly WART. You just don’t understand because you’re not human. W – I have superior intelligence – I just require further input concerning stealing that is not stealing. C – I just wanted a brownie. Her brownies are so good. It didn’t really hurt anything. It’s not a big deal.