W.A.R.T. Script Day One CR – Welcome to our 3-2-1 Penguin Space Academy Vacation Bible School. We know that you will have a very special time visiting our Space Center. I am Commander Robert. Many of the things we do here at the Space Academy involve training Cadets to not only take care of themselves in outer space but to be sure they know the word of God. We have even been doing some experimental work with Robots. Let me show you what I mean. (Push buttons – noises I will come.) WART – (Comes center stage next to Commander Robert) Word Assimilating Robotic Transmitter reporting for duty Commander. CR: WART I want you to tell these cadets… WART – My name is Word Assimilating Robotic Transmitter. My name is not WART. That is a growth humans get on their skin that may need to be removed. CR – I want you to alter your databases to respond to WART because the initials for Word Assimilating Robotic Transmitter spell WART. Make the necessary changes immediately. WART – That burns my transistors. I can tell this is going to be a long week. CR – Tell the kids what your assigned task is. WART – I am the Beta Test version for a Robot that will be used to take the word of God to planets that have never heard the word of God before. We are still working a few minor bugs. CR – Minor Bugs! I wouldn’t say they were minor. What about what happened just yesterday? WART – There is a perfectly logical explanation for that. CR – Really? Well I would love to hear this perfectly logical explanation for why you disassembled my toilet. WART – I needed more input concerning the use of such devises. Robots do not require toilets. CR – Why didn’t you just check the books concerning toilets? WART – It is evident that you as my creator need debugged. It is obviously programming error, because I would have thought of that first if you had properly programmed me.
CR – Oh so it’s my fault. WART – Robots are simply walking computers, we can only do what we are programmed to do. So it must be “your” programming error. CR – Well I know I didn’t program you to launch my cat through the airlock into deep space. WART – The cat was using improper procedures to remove waste. CR – Improper procedures – my cat? What did he do? WART – He was trying to use my head for a litter box, so I simply implemented security procedures. CR – You mean you got mad and threw my cat into outer space. It’s a wonder I got him back in one piece. No wonder he doesn’t like you. WART – (getting angry) I do not have the defective programming of anger. Only humans are defective in such a way. Robots do not have emotions. CR – I think you have a lot of human emotions and you just won’t admit it. WART – There is no need to be insulting Commander. I think you need to go back to your creator and be debugged. CR – Well that’s a lot of what we are going to be talking about this week WART, our creator God and how we can repent of our sins and be debugged. But for now I think you need to go put my toilet back together before I remember how to take “you” apart. WART – While you are talking to your creator please have Him program in some mercy and a better sense of humor. CR – WART! WART – Okay, okay, I’m going. CR – Ms Kathy has some special songs for us before we begin our cadet training.
