Order in the Court by John Humphries
Narrator:
Our play opens in a high court. Judge Yaweh is presiding. The prosecuting attorney is none other than that crafty attorney, Satana, better known as The Accuser. The defense attorney is Jesus Cristo. The first defendant, I. M. Righteous takes the witness stand to be sworn in by the bailiff. She has no defense attorney since she doesn’t feel she needs to defend herself.
Bailiff:
Please state your name and occupation.
I. M.:
My name is I. M. Righteous. I was self-employed and ran a highly successful computer dot.com business. This past year, I grossed over a million dollars. Furthermore….
Bailiff:
That will do. Please raise your right hand. Do you, I. M. Righteous, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you …[pauses and looks at the judge]…well, you know.
I. M.:
I do.
Bailiff:
Please be seated.
Satana:
[Gets up and walks over to I.M.] I understand that you were a very successful businesswoman and very active in your community before your unfortunate automobile accident that took your life. Is that true?
I. M.
You’ve got that right. I was just starting to make it big. There was even an article on me in Forbes Magazine and the Wall Street Journal. Talk about bad luck…who knows what I might have been able to accomplish if it hadn’t have been for that stupid accident.
Satana
The accident in which you were driving under the influence and lost your life in a head-on collision with an oncoming car?
I. M.:
Yeah, that one. But I was just barely over the legal alcohol limit and I wasn’t driving that far. My home wasn’t very far from the party. Besides, the driver of the car in front of me was driving too slow…that’s why I passed him on a curve, so it was really his fault.
Satana:
I see. Did you have any other traffic violations?
I. M.:
Just a couple of speeding tickets but the highway patrolman singled me out…[getting defensive] I was just keeping up with traffic.
Satana:
Enough about your driving record. Tell me about your accomplishments on earth.
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.
I. M.:
[proudly] Well, I was president of my Rotary Club chapter, I was a big sister in the Partners program, I headed up the fund drive for the United Way, and I was selected as Businesswoman of the Year in my community 3 years in a row.
Satana:
Impressive. It sounds like you gave a lot to your community.
I. M.:
Isn’t that the American Way? I believed in helping those who unfortunately weren’t as successful or as good as I was. It made me feel good to know that I was being a good citizen.
Satana:
No further questions, Your Honor.
Judge:
Ms. Righteous, I understand that you were not a Christian and furthermore, you wanted nothing to do with my Son, Jesus.
I. M.:
That’s right, Your Honor. I didn’t need Him because I never did anything really bad. Besides, all of my good works plus my financial and social status should be good enough to get me into Heaven. You must admit, I did pretty well.
Judge:
[turning to His son, Jesus] Well, son, did you know the accused?
Jesus:
Well, Father, I tried but…[hangs and shakes his head sadly]…she just didn’t want anything to do with me. I even sent several people who were Christians to talk to her but she wouldn’t listen. And as you know, I don’t force my friendship on anyone. It has to be a free choice.
Judge:
I. M., you may return to your seat at the defendant’s table but remain standing and face the bench for your verdict. [I. M. returns to the defendant’s table and turns to face the judge] Sadly, I must find you guilty of being a sinner and since you have no defense and have shown no remorse for your actions, I have no other recourse than to let you choose to go to Hell. You wouldn’t be happy in Heaven because my Son and I are there.
I. M.:
That’s fine with me, Your Honor. I wouldn’t want to be there with all those [sarcastically] goody-two-shoe Christians. All of my friends will be in the other place.
Judge:
So let it be written, so let it be done. [I. M. Righteous is led out by the Bailiff.] Next case.
Bailiff:
[returns to the courtroom] The next case is the judgment of Amy Christian [turns to the audience], the case is better known as judging Amy. Would Amy Christian please take the witness stand to be sworn in. [Amy Christian takes the witness stand]
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Would you please state your name and occupation. Amy:
My name is Amy Christian. I was a wife and the mother of 4 precious children before my death.
Bailiff:
Please raise your right hand. Do you, Amy Christian, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you…[looks over at the judge], well you know.
Amy:
I do.
Satana:
[walks over to Amy who sits in the witness stand]. Is it true that you finally died after fighting cancer for several years.
Amy:
Yes, that is true. [starting to cry] I hated to leave my family behind… I wanted to see my kids graduate, get married, have children of their own…
Satana:
[interrupting] That’s enough, let’s not get so emotional. This is a trial, you know.
Amy:
[turning to the judge] I’m sorry, Your Honor, but they were very special to me.
Judge:
I know, Amy, they are very precious to me too.
Satana:
Your Honor, Amy stands accused of being a gossip; spending too much money, especially at the mall; and not getting to know her neighbors. Furthermore, she lied on several occasions, and was known to watch some of those sleazy soap operas on T.V.
Judge:
Is this true, my child?
Amy:
Yes, Your Honor [hangs her head down]. Unfortunately, it is true. I’m sorry. In spite of my best efforts, I just couldn’t seem to help myself.
Satana:
Objection. That’s no excuse. She has admitted the offenses.
Judge:
Sustained.
Satana:
And is it also true, Amy, that you were known to bicker with your husband and to hound your kids, especially about cleaning up their rooms and doing their homework.
Amy:
[stammering] Ye..ye..yes, that’s true. My husband was working too hard and he had high blood pressure so I was concerned about his health. And I only wanted my kids to learn to be responsible.
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Satana:
[gleefully] But you do admit committing these offenses.
Amy:
[hesitating] Yes, I do.
Satana:
I understand that you were in charge of keeping the family finances, is that true?
Amy:
Yes it is. I was always better at numbers than my husband, Jeff.
Satana:
According to my records, in 1998 you were caught cheating on your income taxes.
Amy:
[turning to the judge] But Your Honor, my husband was out of work and we needed the money. I didn’t want my children to do without. I’m sorry I did it. However, I did repay the IRS the amount owed plus interest and penalties.
Satana:
Objection, Your Honor. The defendant is obviously playing on the sympathy of the court. She admitted she cheated on her income tax.
Judge:
Sustained.
Satana:
I rest my case, Your Honor. The defendant has obviously not met the high standards required to enter Heaven. [turning to Jesus] Your witness.
Jesus:
[walks over to Amy] Hello, my child. Is it true that you accepted me as your Lord and Savior when you were 10 years old at the First Baptist Church in Orlando, Florida?
Amy:
Yes, my Lord, that is true.
Jesus:
And is it also true, that you followed me as my child, although imperfectly, all of those years?
Amy:
Yes, Lord.
Jesus:
And is it also true, that you loved me with your whole heart as much as it was humanly possible?
Amy:
Yes Lord, you know I did.
Jesus:
[turning to the judge] Well, Father, I rest my case.
Judge:
Case dismissed. The defendant is released to enter Heaven.
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Satana:
Objection, your honor. What about her offenses? I proved beyond a reasonable doubt that she was guilty as charged. I demonstrated that she was a sinful woman and should be punished.
Judge:
Indeed you did. However, she was washed clean by the blood of my Son and He took her punishment on Calvary’s cross. She is one of my children by virtue of her salvation through my Son Jesus and you cannot touch her. Furthermore, I judge you and condemn you to spend eternity in the Lake of Fire for causing so much misery, suffering, and death on earth. Be gone from my sight. Your days are numbered.
Satana:
[being removed from the courtroom by the bailiff] Oh no, not the Lake of Fire. Anything but the Lake of Fire….
Narrator:
[turning to the audience] Court is adjourned for now, at least until your appearance in court. What will be your defense?
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