Missionary Basic Training

Missionary Basic Training College© Script Written for us many years ago by a former member of our youth group. It appear...

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Missionary Basic Training College© Script Written for us many years ago by a former member of our youth group. It appears to be a takeoff on a Monty Python type performance. Staging Information This skit is a take-off on training missionaries for duty. Cast is an instructor plus any number, (4+), of missionaries-in-training. Roles can be doubled up if necessary. The college has a military academy atmosphere with the instructor barking out the orders. Instructor may be male or female. No special props or lighting is required. Script As the scene opens the trainees are standing talking. The instructor comes on stage, trainees gather around the instructor, attention riveted on the instructor. Instructor: Ten-hut! Missionaries come to attention form a straight line before the instructor. Instructor: All right! At ease. Missionaries relax somewhat. Instructor: Alright then, listen up! I'm glad to see that you have made it this far in our Missionary Basic Training Course. You will notice that Parker is not with us today. Missionary Jones: I noticed that she wasn't here. Where is she? Instructor: Parker is at the zoo, that's where! Missionary Jones: How nice! Some R & R! Parker needs a rest. Instructor: A rest? Not too likely! Parker is at the zoo witnessing! We all know the great needs there are at the zoo. Now then, today we are continuing with our series in which we teach you how to cope with every evangelical difficulty. We can not, we must not send you out into the mission field unprepared! Now for example, suppose you are on duty in Africa. A baboon comes to see you. How would you witness to the baboon? First you would . .. . Missionary Arneson: Excuse me. We took baboon witnessing in last week's class. Instructor: We did? You're sure? Yes, well, all right then. A rhinoceros with great big horns comes to see you and . . . . Missionary Smith: We took that too, sir (madam). Instructor: We did? I don't remember that. However, should it be an eland . . . Missionary Basic Training College© Copyright DramaShare® 1994

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Missionary Basic Training College© Script All missionaries in unison: Done. Instructor: Cape buffalo! All missionaries in unison: Done. Instructor: Lesser kudu . . . Missionary Jones: Done. In fact we have learned to witness to every possible animal in Africa: elephant, hippo, zebra, Grant's Gazelle . . . Missionary Arneson: . . . chimpanzee, waterbuck . . Missionary Smith: . . . python, wildebeeste . . . Instructor: All right, all right! Suppose, . . . that you are in South America, in . . . Bolivia, and, and . . . and a llama comes to a prayer meeting with a request! What do you do? All missionaries look at one another, shrug shoulders, shake their heads. Missionary Jones: Well, I guess . . . I, I really don't know. We haven't done llamas yet. . . . Instructor: Right, well there you go! You are simply not prepared for the mission field, are you? So, today then we will learn how to witness to the llama. Now the first step in witnessing to the llama is to learn something about the llama's background. Take him out for coffee! Get to know that llama! Ask how things are going for his cousin in Ecuador! Then the next step in witnessing to the llama is . . . . what? (points to Missionary Arneson). Missionary Arneson: Ummm, let's see, . . . Bible study maybe? Instructor: Wrong! You feed the llama borscht! Missionary Smith: Borscht? But what if you haven't got any borscht? Instructor: Now what kind of a question is that? Don't you know that you never, never, never go into unsaved llama territory without borscht? Really, what have we been teaching you here? Now then, whilst the llama is consuming the savory borscht you . . . Missionary Jones: I know, I know! You hand him a tract, right? Instructor: No! Much too early for that! You whisper John 3:16 into his ear! Then once it is full of borscht, then it is ready for evangelization, although we do not recommend immediate baptism in this case. Now then, there will come a time in your Missionary Basic Training College© Copyright DramaShare® 1994

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Missionary Basic Training College© Script missionary endeavors when you will be approached by a group of several llamas. Do you know what to do in these cases? Missionary Arneson: Feed them borscht, right sir (madam)? Instructor: No, no, no, no, no! Where is your missionary imagination? Missionary Jones: I know! This is where the tract comes in, right? Instructor: Wrong again! In the case of the llama herd seeking spiritual guidance you will simply address them as follows: "Well now, don't you look like a fine group of llamas? Have you ever considered fellowship? Why sit all day eating grass on the pampas, thinking we have nothing in common?" (Turns back to the missionaries). And from there you go straight in to passages from second Corinthians. Missionary Smith: Excuse me sir (madam). But shouldn't we be trying to witness to people, not llamas? Instructor: I beg your pardon, what was that I heard? Missionary Smith: Well, begging your pardon, sir (madam), I mean, well, it seems kind of, I don't know, kind of silly to be witnessing to llamas when all over the world there are people . . Instructor: Well, well, well, Smith! Rather mightier than thou aren't we? Feeling just a bit sanctimonious today, aren't we now? Well, let me tell you my fine fellow, I spent thirteen years in the jungles of New Guinea, ministering to the Collared Peccary. And, I want to tell you, that time spent made a big, big difference! Some day you'll find yourself in some steaming equatorial jungle trying to explain the four spiritual laws to an anaconda and you'll see what I mean. Now then, back to the task at hand! Who will be our first volunteer? Show us how you would witness to a llama! Come forward! Missionary Arneson: Why don't you ask Jones to do it? He's better with fur bearing animals. Instructor: Very well then Jones, step forward, quickly! Show us your stuff! Jones, steps out of line, clears throat and with elaborate gestures says: Good day Mr. Llama. I hear that you've been . . . . Instructor interrupts: No, no, no, no, no, Jones! Don't come on with that namby - pamby bible school tone! This is a llama you are talking to now! Johnson: Sorry, I guess I have a lot to learn about witnessing to llamas, don't I? Missionary Smith: What about the borscht? Instructor, agitated: Missionary Basic Training College© Copyright DramaShare® 1994

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Missionary Basic Training College© Script Oh, none of you are helping one bit! Jones: Maybe I could try again. (Clears throat). You know Mr. Llama, there's something I've been wanting to talk with you about. Have you ever . . . . . that is, have you . . . (to instructor). You know, Smith had a very good point. Why are we talking to llamas and wildebeests and other animals? Instructor: You think it's going to be easy, don't you? Well, it's not! I'm tough with you here because out there in the field it's going to be a whole lot tougher! Llamas are nothing! Try witnessing to a Bengal Tiger before breakfast! Missionary Arneson: A Bengal Tiger? Instructor, looks around, frightened: Where? Where? Missionary Arneson: Nowhere. I was just repeating what you said. Instructor, relieved: Whew! For a minute there I thought we were all going to have to stand in the bathtub and sing "Bringing in the Sheaves"! That's how you witness to a Bengal Tiger, you know! Missionary Jones: Sir, (madam), you still haven't answered the question. Why are we ministering to llamas rather than people? Instructor: Once you are able to witness to a llama perhaps human witnessing is possible . . . although it is a big step! Now, do you think you are ready for the llama? All missionaries: Well, I'm not sure. Yes, I suppose so. (Etc.) Instructor: Very well then, we shall soon see! In the next room there is a llama. Go in, start a conversation, see how successful your ministerial approach is. Missionaries exit. Instructor: Well now, I guess we shall see who the prepared ones are. What they don't know is that I have very cleverly substituted a crocodile for the llama in the next room. Missionaries are heard off stage screaming and yelling. Instructor: It's like I always say. I have to be tough with them here because you never know how tough it will be bringing the Word overseas! You have to be ready to expect anything in the course of presenting your ministry! Instructor exits stage.

Missionary Basic Training College© Copyright DramaShare® 1994

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