HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH INFLUENCE AND FINESSE Becky Row, PHR American Marketing Association OBJECTIVES Learn the elements of effective communication and why effective communication is the single most important factor required to achieve excellence in your operation; and Identify personal influence style: passive, assertive or aggressive; learn why assertive behavior is the one style that always yields positive results; and understand how other influence styles can hamper interpersonal communication. INTRODUCTION Communication is the foundation of all human interaction. In the workplace, open and effective communication is the most significant factor required to develop employee trust. Moreover, trust in management is the single largest component of job satisfaction and commitment to the organization. Consequently, it is not difficult to see the importance of studying the communication process in your operation. Four elements of communication competence are present in all examples of success: Clarity of Purpose – what management and employees think the operation, or the specific initiative, intends to achieve Effective Interfaces – the competence of individuals within the operation to manage communication; the level of trust between individuals at all levels Effective Sharing of Information – the integration of formal and informal processes of distributing ideas, opinions and practices Consistent Communication Behaviors of Management – the consistency of messages and communication competence of the most senior people in the operation WHAT IS EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION? Communication is the exchange and flow of information between people. But, effective communication occurs only when the receiver understands exactly what the sender intends to convey. Unfortunately, managers often believe effective communication has occurred once a message has been relayed to an employee. We often hear, "I don't know why it didn’t get done...I told Bob to do it." More than likely, Bob misunderstood the message. A message has not been effectively communicated unless the receiver understands the message. A sender knows if a message has been properly received through two-way communication or feedback. This feedback will tell the sender that the receiver understood the message, its level of importance, and what, if anything should be done with the message.
Effective communication is an exchange of information and consequently, cannot be defined only by management participation. Instead, it is only achieved when everyone in the operation is working together. TRUST The tables below show the advantages and components of trust, the factors that create trust and the benefits of creating trust between management and employees. Advantages of Trust Advantage Improved communication Greater predictability, dependability and confidence Openness, willingness to listen and accept criticism non-defensively Leads to repeat business A reduction in friction among employees A more effective and productive employee/employer relationship Improved interpersonal relationships and openness An increased organizational effectiveness and productivity
Agreement 99.2% 98.5% 97.1% 94.8% 93.4% 78.9% 75.6% 24.1%
Components of Trust Component A belief in the integrity, character and ability of others A feeling of confidence and support shown to me by my employees/employer A commitment to perform as agreed A commitment to openness, including disclosure of relevant info, feelings and opinions
Agreement 93.5% 91.1% 89.8% 81.7%
Factors that Create Trust Factor Open communication Giving works a greater share in decision-making Sharing critical information Not taking advantage of one’s shortcomings or weakness The true sharing of perceptions and feelings
Agreement 96.4% 90.4% 87.4% 85.5% 85.5%
Benefits of Trust Statement Trust leads to more trust, increased productivity and growth Trust brings credibility to a company and increases repeat business and customer loyalty Trust leads to effective decision-making because ideas, info and feelings are shared Good employer/employee trust relations are vital for company growth and productivity Trust enhances organizational innovation, loyalty and peace
Agreement 96.3% 96.0% 91.8% 89.6% 89.6%
Employee Communication Best Practices As you know, there are four elements of communication competence. In addition, within those elements are characteristics of communication excellence among best-practices companies: The top executive is the communication advocate and model; Words match actions; There is a commitment to two-way communication; There is an emphasis on face-to-face communication; Employee communication responsibilities are shared; Communication with customers and others are organized by audience, not communication techniques or disciplines; Communication is viewed as a vital management function, not a set of techniques. Employee Communication Effectiveness The following are the most effective communication means that contribute to employees’ understanding of their job functions, job satisfaction and job performance. Direct supervisors are the most effective and credible means of communicating with employees. But few companies commit the resources required to develop supervisory and management communication skills or tie communication effectiveness to job evaluation or compensation; Face-to-face communication methods are always more effective than other channels. Yet most companies rely on written, printed methods for communicating with employees; When management credibility is high, there is a positive impact on employee perceptions of other means of communicating within the company. Yet most companies pay only lip service to the importance of the role of senior management as vital employee communication channels; Employees understand their roles in the company and feel good about working for the company. COMMUNICATION STYLES Part of being an effective communicator is having effective communication skills. These skills require a high level of self-awareness. Understanding your style of communicating will help you to create positive impressions on your internal and external customers. There are three basic communication styles: Aggressive Passive Assertive
Aggressive Style Elements 1. Mottos and beliefs "Everyone should be like me." "I am never wrong." "I have rights, but you don't." 2.
Communication Style Close minded Poor listener Interrupts Monopolizing
3.
Characteristics Achieves goals, but at others' expense Domineering, bullying Patronizing Condescending, sarcastic
4.
Behavior Puts others down Bossy Moves into others' space, overpowers Does not show appreciation
5.
Nonverbal Cues Points, shakes finger Squints eyes critically Critical, loud, yelling tone of voice Fast, clipped speech
6.
Verbal Cues "You must (need, should, ought, better)." "Do not ask why - just do it." Verbal abuse
7.
Confrontation and Problem Solving Must win arguments, threatens, attacks Operates from win/lose position
8.
Feelings Felt Anger Hostility Frustration Impatience
9.
Effects Provokes counter-aggression, alienation from others, ill health Wastes time and energy over-supervising others Fosters resistance, defiance, sabotaging, striking back, forming alliances, lying, covering up Forces compliance with resentment
Elements of the Passive Style 1. Mottos and Beliefs "Do not express your true feelings." "Do not make waves." "Do not disagree." "Others have more rights than I do." 2.
Communication Style Indirect Always agrees Doesn't speak up Hesitant
3.
Characteristics Apologetic, self-conscious Does not express own wants and feelings Allows others to make decisions Doesn't get what he or she wants
4.
Behaviors Sighs a lot Tries to sit on both sides of the fence to avoid conflict Asks permission unnecessarily Complains instead of taking action
5.
Non-verbal cues Slumped posture Low volume, meek Up talk Fast, when anxious; slow, hesitant when doubtful
6.
Verbal Cues "You should do it." "I can't..." "This is probably wrong, but..." "I'll try..."
7.
Confrontation and Problem Solving Avoids, ignores, leaves, postpones Withdraws, is sullen and silent Expends energy to avoid conflicts that are anxiety provoking Spends too much time asking for advice, supervision
8.
Feelings Felt Powerlessness Wonders why doesn't receive credit for good work Chalks lack of recognition to others' inabilities
9.
Effects Builds dependency relationships Slowly loses self esteem Promotes others' causes Is not respected
Elements of the Assertive Style 1. Mottos and Beliefs Believes self and others are valuable Knows that assertiveness doesn't mean you always win, but that you handled the situation as effectively as possible "I have rights and so do others." 2.
Communication Style Effective, active listener States limits, expectations States observations, no labels or judgments Checks on others' feelings
3.
Characteristics Confident Self-aware Open, flexible, versatile Decisive
4.
Behavior Operates from choice Action-oriented Realistic expectations Fair, just
5.
Nonverbal Cues Open, natural gestures Attentive, interested facial expression Confident or relaxed posture
Vocal volume appropriate, expressive 6.
Verbal cues "I choose to..." "What are my options?" "What alternatives do we have?"
7.
Confrontation and Problem Solving Negotiates, bargains, trades off, compromises Confronts problems at the time they happen Doesn't let negative feelings build up
8.
Feelings Felt Enthusiasm Well being Even tempered
9.
Effects Increased self esteem and self confidence Increased self esteem of others Feels motivated and understood Others know where they stand
Clearly, people should strive for the assertive style. Keep in mind that very few people are all one or another style, In fact, the aggressive style is essential at certain times such as: when a decision has to be made quickly; during emergencies; when you know you're right and that fact is crucial. Passiveness also has its critical applications: when an issue is minor; when the problem caused by the conflict are greater than the conflict itself; when emotions are running high and it makes sense to take a break in order to calm down and regain perspective; when your power is much lower than the other party's; when the others' position is impossible to change for all practical purposes (i.e., government policies, etc.). Learning how to communicate assertively allows you the freedom to know that you have a right to speak and be heard in most situations and the confidence to know that you can present yourself in such a fashion that people will want to hear you.
AVOIDING MANIPULATION Becoming assertive means learning to overcome the manipulations and blocking techniques that many people use to avoid doing something someone else wants them to do. Some receivers will employ a blocking maneuver in an attempt to avoid fulfilling a request. Below are some techniques you can use to counter their attempts: Assertive Agreement. Respond to criticism by admitting you have made an error ("Yes, you are right, I did forget our meeting..."). Assertive Delay. If you find yourself in a heated discussion, and someone makes a challenging statement, rather than lose your composure, delay making a full response until you've had a chance to calm down and are able to formulate an appropriate reply. ("Yes, you make an interesting point. I'll have to reserve judgment on that. I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we agree to continue this conversation later?") Assertive Irony. Another response to hostile or provocative criticism: Answer positively. If someone calls you a name, just say, ‘Thank you.’ Broken Record. A common avoidance technique is simply to sidetrack the conversation into irrelevant issues, and away from whatever matter you’ve introduced. Steer the conversation back on track, calmly but insistently. (‘Yes, I know, but the point is…,’ or ‘I agree, but, as I was saying…’) Circuit Breaker. Put a lid on a flow of provocative criticism by using single-word or extremely brief responses. (‘Yes…’ ‘No…’ “Perhaps…’) Clouding. This is when you appear to give ground without actually doing so. Agree with the other person’s argument, but do not agree to change. (‘You may be right that I don’t help out as much as I could, but I help as much as I can without using up the energy I need to manage my arthritis.’) Content-to-Process Shift. This involves shifting the focus of a meandering conversation from a topic that has come up in place of the original discussion by analyzing what is happening between the two of you. (‘We’re getting off-subject now. We have been derailed into talking about old issues. You seem to be angry with me…’) Defusing. When another person becomes angry, defuse the situation by ignoring the content of his or her anger and putting off any further discussion until he has cooled down. (‘I can see you’re very angry right now. Let’s discuss this later, perhaps this afternoon.’)
BARRIERS TO COMMUNICATION Anything that prevents the full understanding of a message is a barrier to communication. Culture, background and bias Our experiences can unfortunately change the meaning of a message. Our culture, background, and bias can cause us to oversimplify and begin stereotyping. Environment Lights (or lack of), an attractive person, unusual sights, or any other stimulus provides a potential distraction. Muddled Messages We must clearly state what we want to convey, as the receiver cannot read your mind. The terms “early morning” “about” “approximately,” etc., have different meanings for each individual, so do not assume that receiver will know what you mean. Be exact. Noise Equipment or environmental noise can sometimes hinder clear communication. Ourselves When we focus on ourselves, rather than the other person, it can lead to confusion and conflict. Factors that cause this may be defensiveness (we feel someone is attacking us), superiority (we feel we know more than the speaker) and ego (we feel we are the center of the activity). Perception If we feel the speaker is talking too fast, is not articulate, etc., we may dismiss the person and not put any stock in that the speaker is saying. Stress People do not see things the same way when under stress. What we see and believe at a given moment is influenced by our frames of reference - our beliefs, values, knowledge, experiences, and goals. These barriers act as filters which muffle the message. But, the way to overcome these barriers is through active listening and feedback. LISTENING Many people believe that hearing and listening are the same thing – they are not. Hearing is the act of perceiving sound and is involuntary. Listening is a selective activity that involves reception and interpretation. Most of us do not listen well because listening is difficult for a variety of reasons. When we are involved in an argument, we form our responses rather than listening and wait to make our point by taking things out of context. We may also be listening for cues so that we can direct the conversation in our direction. None of these actions
communicate to the listener that we are interested in hearing him or her, we are only showing a lack of respect. Another reason why listening is difficult is that we speak at 100 to 175 words per minute, but we can listen intelligently at 600 to 800 words per minute. Since only a part of our mind is paying attention, it is easy to go into mind drift - thinking about other things while listening to someone. The cure for this is active listening - which involves listening with a purpose. It requires that the listener concentrate on the words and feelings of the sender for understanding. Listening is not easy and requires certain skills. An active listener: Concentrates on what is being said (doesn’t read, shuffle papers or otherwise nonverbally communicate a lack of interest) Listens to all facts and does not interrupt until the speaker has concluded his or her statements. When someone is talking for a long period, it is sometimes helpful to either take notes or ask him or her to stop so that you can provide feedback on what you have heard. Listens for key words of interest on which to comment and ask questions. This communicates that you are interested and want to hear more or better understand what the speaker is saying. Is objective; hears people as they are, not the way you would like them to be. Holds back on personal judgments until the speaker has presented his or her ideas. Spends more time listening than talking Does not finish the sentences of others Does not answer questions with questions Listening requires courage because we may hear things that we would rather not. Active listening means staying in the “here and now,” focusing on the current issues and not being sidetracked on what happened in the past or how we want things to be. FEEDBACK An effective conversation occurs when you are able to let the speaker know that you are really paying attention to him or her. This is done by acknowledging what you have heard the other person say and can be realized by: “It sounds like you are saying…” “Do I understand you to mean…?” “Let me make sure that I understand your point. Do you mean…?” Acknowledging what you hear does not mean that you agree with what you hear. Many people skip this acknowledgement step because we believe that if we state what we heard the person say, then we have agreed with them. Providing feedback simply communicates that we respect the speaker and show respect by trying to understand his or her point, even though you may disagree with it.
SUMMARY The four elements of communication competence: clarity of purpose, effective interfaces, effective sharing of information and consistent communication behaviors of leaders are present in all examples of success. It does not matter how good the design, planning and implementation of a communication initiative, nor the general competence of the communication team, unless everything is directed at and integrated into the business processes. Effective employee communication begins during the interview process and continues through orientation, performance management, training, etc. Remaining aware of your own communication style and fine-tuning it will help improve relationships with your employees as well as ensuring success in your personal life. REFERENCES Kirk, D. Effective Employee Communication. 1993. Sherman, R. Understanding Your Communication Style. 1999. Bolton, Robert. People Skills. 1979. Pearson, J. Interpersonal Communication. 1983.
