Show Me! Don’t Tell Me! Notes with examples… What do we mean by show? Think of this principle as presenting a picture--something readers can see if they close their eyes. Good showing also involves other senses, but it's easier to show this with the visual sense. For example: I jogged through the San Francisco neighborhood where I live. This is something I tell you. If you can close your eyes and capture a scene, it's because you are reading something into the text that isn't there. By contrast, here's the way James Patterson wrote it: I jogged past yelping dogs running loose, lovers on a morning walk, gray-clad, bald-headed Chinese men bickering over mah-jongg. (First to Die: Little, Brown, 2001, p.104) Because Patterson uses two senses, we see the dogs, the lovers, the Chinese, and we hear the dogs as well as the bickering. This is good writing, because he draws a picture for us and pulls us into the San Francisco scene. In that single sentence, we are jogging alongside the protagonist and have been pulled into the story. When done well, showing reveals character and enables readers to feel as if they are part of the event. Suppose I'm relating an incident from my high school days when I arrived five minutes late for my math class. I'm afraid of the verbal wrath of Mr. Gibson. Before I write this, however, I need to decide what information and emotion I want to convey to my readers. Notice the differences in the three examples below: Just changing the verb makes massive changes in the quality of the sentence! I walked into Mr. Gibson's classroom five minutes late. (This simply presents information and doesn't help readers understand my emotions.) I raced into Mr. Gibson's classroom, desperately hoping he wouldn't see that I was five minutes late. (This enables readers to become part of the scene.) I snuck into Mr. Gibson's classroom as the clock ticked again. I cringed to realize that I was now six minutes late. (This also puts readers inside the my emotions.)
No matter how small the action, we describe it to the readers and don't just inform them. The example shows how much life we can add to a single sentence by changing the verb. The verb change suggests more than action--it also describes the character's state of mind. We can add to the example above and make it an even stronger story: I sneaked into Mr. Gibson's classroom, desperately hoping he wouldn't see that I was five minutes late. My pulse raced, as I tiptoed to my desk. Just then my math book crashed to the floor and every head turned toward me. Mr. Gibson glowered.
Benefits of Showing. Showing • Enhances reader identification--they're transported into the action. • provides a sense of time and place, particularly if the story is set in an unfamiliar world. • creates suspense • reveals relationships better than telling • offers unique or unusual details and develops feelings of depth and reality • hints at or reveals motives behind an action. This doesn't mean writers fill their pages with details. Think instead of capturing an image. Ask yourself, what is the picture I want to capture?
If I tell you that I met the wealthy financial guru, Warren Buffett and noticed his wristwatch, what picture have I captured? Nothing special, but if I comment that he wears a Timex, a Seiko, or a Rolex, I'm enlarging the picture of this person. (And, yes, it is all right to use brand names provided you spell them properly.)
Show Don't Tell Exercise Answering the news reporter questions--who, what, when, where, why, how--turns bland writing into active writing. • •
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Write the following sentence on the board: "Mr. Smith is celebrating." Ask students the following questions: o Does this sentence paint a picture for the reader? o Does it leave questions in the reader's mind? o Does it answer the questions who, what, when, where, why, how? o How could it answer who, what, when, where, why, how and paint a picture for the reader? Instruct students to answer the following questions: o Who is Mr. Smith? o What does he do when he celebrates? o When does he celebrate? o Where does he celebrate? o Why is he celebrating? o How is he celebrating?
Procedures Instruct students to rewrite the aforementioned telling sentence. Here's my example: After 12 years of teaching chemistry, Mr. Smith lost it. He began oinking like a pig and shouting, "I love Bastille Day" as he ran through the halls of Foothill High School. It didn't matter to Mr. Smith that Bastille Day was over a month away. or "I'm going home and watch my favorite team in the NBA Finals!" Mr. Smith, my new boss, shouted while giving me a high-five followed by an elbow in the face. He stood over me for a few seconds and growled...
A giant green frog hops over the chair.
A giant green bullfrog hopped and plopped over the green lawn chair before squishing himself between the flower pot and the chair before collapsing.
